Chemo #5, take three

Five days of waiting for the body to rejeuvenate...and really having no real power to influence how quickly that happens. 
Bit of a wake up call in a few ways:
- I realized how I'd been banking on counting days and had started planning around the days I knew I'd be past the first 7 day onslaught of feeling crappy.
- I discovered that I get a little ticked when things don't go according to plan...(sorry fam-jam for taking that out on you...)
- took the opportunity to be honest about how disappointed I was and realize that dogged determination and overall good nature is really fragile and easily shaken.  Made me even more thankful the general feeling of optimism and hope that has carried me so far.
- Reached deep and said a prayer for folks in cancer treatment who find it difficult to find energy every day and feel crappy all through treatment.  Have deep respect for their walk.
- Went to the Winnipeg Singers concert, sat with (almost all my kids, miss you Derek) and listened to Doug and choir lift voices in a true acoustical celebration of sound...ooooow...goose bumps and shivers it was so beautiful...just what I needed to find the patience to wait the next few days...
- turned up the heat in the loft and enjoyed myself :)

Tomorrow is blood tests, Green light (hopefully), meeting with Radiation Oncologist to find out what happens after Chemo #6, and then, (hopefully) Chemo #5 at 10:00 am.  Sounds like it should have a "Mambo #5" kind of rythym to it! Might wait till after it's all done before I bust a move.

Treatment #5 postponed...again...sigh

Well, I went in for treatment again today, Friday, and once again, Blood counts were still too low so Dr decided to wait till Tuesday for my next chemo treatment. Acceptable levels of "Neutrophils"  for treatment (or better known as the immune system count) are 1.0 and I was .9... normal levels for most of you are between 1.5 and 8.00.  I imagine it's all for the best and will do my best to rest and let the body bounce back from that last treatment. Still no fever and I feel fine otherwise, kind of tired, so had a nap today...x2 which is why I'm up at this hour...sigh.  Oh well, at least the strawberries I'm snacking on still taste like strawberries... and the ribs for supper (Thanks Sheila and Phil!) were the absolute best ever!

The school bound family folks are all excited about being off for Spring Break... I bet that means there will be coffee brewed and maybe even breakfast made for me in the morning...

I think I'll turn the heat on in the loft space and meander up there with my morning coffee and finish the benefit quilt for the Westgate Bursary fundraising banuqet on May 1...anyone want a ticket to the banquet?  let me know.  Want a preview of the quilt?  Here's a hint on the picture below..."same, same, but different, very different"...

Chemo #5 update

Well, all this Winnipeg spring weather is great for the soul... but probably had me washing too many windows and overseeing too much cleaning in the front porch... Which led my blood counts to be low on Tuesday when I went in....and... which led to the red flag of "STOP" to my treatment today, Wednesday.

However, not to be too concerned, we've rescheduled for this Friday, March 23rd, and Dr. is confident that a couple of days of taking it easy... aka no more washing windows... and my blood counts will be back up to snuff and able to tolerate the next treatment.

Ironically, I've felt really good for the last week and have enjoyed my social interactions greatly...Thanks to all you friends who continue to invite "chemo-food-wild-card" out for dinner and lunch and put up with my "filterless" humour.  I get life and energy from all of you.

I've felt the absence of Son#2 this month, Derek is having a blast shoveling snow and skiing in Big White, near Kelowna, BC.  Michael's stepped into deliver and pick-up for appointments which means his schedule in Architecture has lightened up as well.  We've closed down Basketball seasons for Lindsey and Jonathan, and we're so happy to see the growth that each of them made in their skills...  Doug is into back to back rehearsals for Winnipeg Singers and Canzona which means I get to attend two great concerts in the next two weeks, always a treat, although I find I have to pack tissues because I'm a little weepy these days, and great music just gets me going....

Looking ahead, (and we're always careful to say "If things go according to plan") I have an appointment with Radiation Oncologist, on Tuesday, March 27.  I imagine this will be a preliminary discussion about what Radiation  sessions will look like and when they will start.  I won't begin to guess at a schedule at this point, good information suggests that I will be looking at at least a four to six weeks of "once a day, five days a week", treatment.  

My spirits are good at this stage of the game.  I'm thankful for my kids and hubby and they're good-natured fetch and carry attitudes.  I'm also thankful for my newly re-upholstered old comfy chair, I spend a fair bit of time there!  I try to walk around the block once a day and am still appalled at how long it takes and how winded I am at a little, little hill... but the days I walk around the park and I feel good, I'm glad that I make the effort on the tough days.  My biggest dilemma is deciding what to wear on my head...not quite ready to go "in flagrante" with the bald head in public...because after this last chemo the eye lashes and eyebrows are on the run...  look only if you're brave, there's no "Look good Feel better" make-up touches here!

Yay, today food tastes more like it's supposed to!

So, day four of Chemo #4, in like a lion just like the snowy March weather...joints ache, feet hurt, neck is sore, legs are jumpy and restless and the ankles ache...how bizzare...fingernails are sensitive and the mouth recognizes nothing familiar... Looks like a nectarine, smells like a nectarine...tastes like...a dental tool...hmmm Looks like an orange, smells like a yummy Westgate fruit drive orange...tastes like...a dental tool ... But alas, success for breakfast from dear hubby....Yup, crepes, cottage cheese a drizzle of maple syrup and a sprinkle of brown sugar!  Nectar of the Gods, it tastes like it's supposed to...yummm.

Had a brief moment of "ah-ha!" on Friday night when someone at the great House of Doc House concert asked how many treatments I had left and I responded "2"...wow, that was a cool feeling...of course at that point I wasn't feeling as icky as I am now, but, only two more repetitions of this, I can handle that...maybe not terribly gracefully but it's only two more right?

When I'm lost in the day to day motions of dealing with all the bizzare body things, time seems to pass by so quickly, at the end of the day I feel like I've accomplished very little and have been a "couch commander" telling whichever kids are around on what to do to keep the household running and even marginally cleaned up... thinking that maybe I need a break from being the couch commander...hmm now how can that happen?

In the meantime, pull out a hand quilting project, try not to poke my sore fingertips and take another couple of Aleve to settle down the aching legs... and watch come curling with my dear hubby :)

Canser treatments update, Chemo #4

Today I got the green light to head into Chemo #4 tomorrow. This is the halfway treatment. Seems bizarre that it's ten weeks since my first treatment. You get into this little coping bubble and time just marches along! Lindsey and Jonathan are playing final playoff eliminations in their basketball seasons and the days are still bright at 6:00pm. .. yay ... Spring is just around the corner and Winter was sweet!


I've recovered from the cold that I battled through this last treatment, it required some significant decision-making to just stay home and rest (very hard for me as most of you know).
- I had a lovely visit from my cousin Ivie and Mike Parker from Calgary,
- was gifted with copious gifts of breads, soups, chilis, cookies and fruits and muffins and a fabulous massage! from K-groups, family and friends and neighbours, as always from your generous spirits to the stomachs of the Pankratz's and the folks that come to visit. So Thankful we are.
- I managed to attend a lot of basketball games for the kids
- Kissed Derek good-bye as he headed out to Kelowna/Big White for a month of skiing and working(clearing snow) with his friend Vaughn.
- Read 15 books, some enlightening and some just "park your mind at the door" reads since that was all I could retain...thank goodness for the Public Library!
- Started a new quilt commission for Mennonite Church Manitoba
- made a great little book bag with Lindsey! go Pre-Calculus!
- enjoyed great "tea-times/coffee-times" with friends who popped in others who delivered meals-on-wheels. Thanks to all of you! and Thanks for the parking money this month too!
- was glad Doug had fewer rehearsals this month since that meant at least he could do the basketball runs with some help from Michael and Derek.
- hope to see Michael's project in the "GOSA" student gallery at the UofM, chosen to represent the 3rd year Architecture program. (till March 2nd)
- Looking forward ( I hope) to the Westgate house concert featuring choirs, band and House of at Pantages theatre
- received a lovely quilt from the Victoria Quilts project which supplies quilts to cancer patients, a lovely and warm gift to receive! My daughter has declared it her new favourite.

So, I'm thankful that by Day 10 of the 21 day treatment cycle, I've felt better and have energy to enjoy lots of life... I know others are not always so fortunate with their treatments. #4 Chemo marks a change in the kind of chemo I receive, I'm now going to something called "Docetaxel". The side effects have less nausea but more body/joint fatigue and aches... and other bizarre effects on fingernails etc...we'll see how I weather this one. Doug is coming to treatment with me tomorrow and I'm happy he can do that during Report card week.
So Thank you for coming on this journey, I'll invite you again to respond via email, phone call or even a visit. You're always welcome. I'll also correct the spelling error in my blog address and include it here, hopefully this time the link will work if you just paste in in your browser window.
BLOG site: http://www.sparetimeobsession.blogspot.com/

Unfortunately the calendar continues to be a bust unless you have a google account...so, untill I find a better way to post, here are the next treatment dates for me:
Feb 29th Chemo #4
March 21 Chemo #5
March 23-April 2nd = Spring Break for Doug and the kids
April 6-9 is Easter Weekend
April 11th Chemo #6 YAYYYY
then 4-6 weeks of detox and recovery before I start 5 weeks of Radiation

So Thanks again for all your prayers, support in many ways, bad jokes (Leo loved it, Karin, always a giggle) and care for all of us (Doug's seen a few Winnipeg Jets' games this season!)
Be well all of you.
Val Pankratz for the crew.
This link seems to work if you have gmail account... haven't quite figured out how to bypass..
Calendar site to paste in your web browser: https://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=personaltouchbyval%40gmail.com&ctz=America/Winnipeg

yummm, a new nap quilt

So what does a quilter do when she is gifted with a quilt?  She takes a deep breath, drops a tear, pulls the quilt from the box, smoothes the fabric and admires the pattern and colours.  She holds the quilt to her heart and says a prayer of thanks for the creators and for the giver.  Thank you Victoria Quilts and quilters in Steinbach who crafted my gift and thank you Elvira for thinking of me in this very special way.  This quilt will go up to my loft and reside on my nap couch in my own quilt space. I know "it's more blessed to give than to receive" but today this gift was a blessing for me to receive.

How to win the "take care of yourself" challenge?

Treatment #3 has certainly presented challenges to well-being.  I was fighting a cold going in and after treatment it certainly seemed to take over. My usual robust immune system has not been able to  triumph.  Yesterday I thought I was finally over the tipping point and almost ready to say "as healthy as I can be right now" and this morning, stuffy nose and foggy eyes, Lindsey's sick too, how do you stay away from that when you live in the same house and you have to comfort your kid when she feels crappy...  This whole journey of decision making, how much to do before it's too much?  How important is it to "get up and go" with mental and physical energy and when do you rest, rest, rest?  I fear that I'm losing in the "take care of myself" task...maybe it would be easier if I'd move out?  Anyone have a house to sit? hmm...nope that won't work, Doug's out of town Wednesday to Friday this week, I'm still a Mom and have a family to take care of  too :)  Good thing, I'd be bored all by myself...right?
Had a great visit with my cousin and her husband, from Calgary.  The friendship formed when we lived in Calgary has stood the test of time for the whole family, so fun to interact with all of us.
Time to warm up the tea, maybe even time to take a nap before 10 am... what a life...