Time to connect with Family

Ahhhh, the joy of spending time with my sister and her daughters who live too far away and visits are too far apart.  Thanks for the love girls!  Was so lucky to celebrate a birthday with them and was happy to present "either waking or sleeping, may you always be in God's keeping" travelling pillowslip gifts to the three of them.  Sleep well girls, love you :) Here are two of the pillowslips, the other one ran away to a pillow right away... but I'll include her and new pet "Peanut". And, a privilege to travel with my Aunt, what a joy.

Oh, and if you want a true visual delight, drop in at the Quilt store in Beaver Lodge between Grand Prairie and Dawson Creek, super sweet store!

A Commission presented and complete

So, November already!  and so delinquent I've been with posting, just a reflection of the speed of life around me and the amount of effort I've put into trying to join in and keep up.  So far I seem to be in the race, doing some work at contract/short term gigs (thanks Westgate) and looking for longer term, fulfilling work.  Feel good about the process, am much stronger have more stamina than two months ago, so that's good.

So, projects, back to quilting which was what this blog was supposed to be about.  I have been able to be creative too.  This project pictured below was commissioned by Mennonite Church Manitoba, to be a Table banner for their registration table for events.  The request came shortly after my diagnosis in Fall of 2011 and, needing to put my faith in being around in a year, I consented to put something together, as long as there wasn't a due date.  A year almost the day of my surgery, I delivered this project and was gratified with the reception.  That feels good.

SO, The original thought was to do a water-colour wash of many green batiks, from dark to light, with the dove obviously in the light.  Well, the budget soon became too much, too much fabric to buy...so then this "Hot Shots" project that I've done a couple of times, came to mind and was much more within the budget scope.  The quilting motif is of course open to interpretation as it should be.  A large branch, meandering it's way across the piece, growing into the borders and around the dove.  The title "The branches and the Vines"  loosely translated, open to interpretation.  As is my way, the entire piece is free hand quilted on the long-arm machine, where my needle becomes my pen.  The time spent on this piece coincided with some difficult decision making on the part of the Camps with Meaning program and Camp Moose Lake where I have hosted many (more that 25) weekend quilting retreats.  So, many hours of prayer are stitched into this project.  It is still not clear where those decisions will land but the Retreat 2012 at Moose Lake, was great, with a fabulous group of women, some challenging devotions, creative inspiration abounding and a community of faith and care grown again.

So for the Pictures:

This is the presentation day at Mennonite Church Manitoba, there's another photo on their web site here that shows the detail (on the second picture down, click twice)MCM Quilt unveiled | Mennonite Church Manitobamennochurch.mb.ca

 Free hand/fee motion quilting is done without guides, I find that my hands get a rythmn and my swirls and leaves get a character singular to that project.  I also worked in a few pine trees which are like my "where's Waldo" contribution.

 The branch detail was done with small scale zig zag patterns and, thanks to inspiration from my friend Jodi, a very cool "Knot" pattern which makes then more defined as branches, Thanks Jodi!

 Outlining the dove was the biggest dilemma, being in the white fabric and then being appliqued guaranteed that your eye would be drawn to it, but, if you don't quilt the fabric, it puffs ...so the radiating lines anchored the space without becoming too busy. divine inspiration truly.

The final dilemma was "words or no words" initially the plan was to have "Mennonite Church Manitoba" on the lower right, similar to the logo on letterhead etc.  This made sense until I tried to figure out how to do the letters and not make them the focal point.   In the end, I decided to leave them off and let the "powers that be in the office" decide.  The unanimous  choice was no letters.  So, the commission is clearly labeled in the back.

I'm thankful that my inspiration has been appreciated and I'm honoured by the original request.  It has been a privilege to have this project be a part of this past year and it provided focus and inspiration for me to look at sharing my "sparetimeobsession" with others.  I find a quilt can be a visual destination, and if given time, can give the heart and head an opportunity to be inspired for the tasks at hand.  That is my hope and my gift.

June is here, in such a good way, on such a nice day, 25 degrees, some good breeze, a surprising rain downpour, time with the kids, an evening to head up to the loft ahead.  Thought I'd share the celebration of my last project finding it's home.  Part of the wedding commission saga, "50 Shades of Grey" is now complete. It was a pleasure to create these quilts, and a please to give them to somone who so sincerely appreciates them.  So, now they're done, and I'm on to a new one, "Star in a Star" in tone on tone batiks, up to seven in each block in variations of colour gradations.  But, here's "50 Shades of Grey" the queen size version of "Running 'Round in Circles #2".

Chemo's done, yipee, let the pickling begin!

So, Day #17 of my last chemo recovery finds me feeling tired mostly, still trying to stay healthy (can't forget that all the usual cycles of low blood counts still occur even in this last treatment) and trying to let the light at the end of the tunnel of chemotherapy, bring joy and elation...but I'm not feeling it.  Sort of disappointed about that but, in some ways not surprised.  Perhaps when the energy starts returning I'll feel a bit more like I'm finished with this nasty phase.  In the meantime, I'll have about two weeks before I start my Radiation therapy.  I've come to peace about the proposed "double" hit that they'll treat me with, not only the surgery site but the upper lymph system at my collar bone as well.  Was a little worried about the effect of radiation on my left arm, but since it seems to be behaving very well without nightly tensor wraps or daily compression sleeves, I'm hopeful that it will withstand another hit with radiation. I'm thinking of radiation as a vinegar bath, which helps things get clean and fresh, eliminates smells and makes things last forever with the right storage...maybe that will be me :) kind of like a ... pickle.

So, to avoid thinking too much about myself and health stuff, I've been indulging in some quilting.  First of all, along with a few friends, I've finally started on the "art" quilt I wanted to do when I first started all this chemo stuff.  I'll be at it for a while, but love the dimensional tricks that I'm getting with colours!

 I also finished my annual benefit quilt for the Westgate Bursary Banquet auction and was quite happy with its turnout.  Stepped outside of the colour box and went white with a "2 1/2" charm pack" of VERNA squares and a fresh striped binding by Michael Miller.  Turned out to be a lot of fun, the white on white texture from the quilting was a hoot and gives me the itch to try out more radical modern techniques.  So here are the pics, not the greatest quality but I always seem to almost forget to take them before I give them away... I called it "Spring Thistle" (of course because of the thistle pattern quilted in).

#6 delivered,10 days to deal with it, YAY

Here's the update that went out by email this week,

Hello friends and family.  It's been a busy week!  First and foremost, in spite a two day delay again, waiting for the blood levels to get healthy enough to treat, on Friday, April 20, we finally accomplished Treatment #6.  It was an interesting feeling, a turning point and on to stage 3 of this cancer treatment: radiation therapy.  When they informed me my PICC line could also be removed I was almost nervous, that was the tap line for chemo and bloodwork for the past few months.  But, "TAKE IT OUT" was my option and now I feel strangely set free... how bizzare.  I was thankful that Doug could once again be released from his day at school to come with me to this last treatment.

So, now it's the standard three week cycle to allow the chemo to do it's job, (the familiar "dentist dust" mouth taste has arrived even quicker this time around) then it's a last Dr's appt with Dr. Pitz and nurse Linda, before he turns me over to Radiation Oncologist Dr. Cooke  and nurse Barb, to monitor and care for me during Radiation.  Radiation will likely start after the long weekend in May and go for six weeks, putting me at about the last week in June for completion.

As always, I've felt well cared for by my medical team and supper(intentional mis-spell) well cared for again by our community of friends and family.  Thanks so much the for relevant and unique ways you continue to accompany us as a family on this journey.

We had my Dad and Ruth in for a visit this past week and it was GOOD!  Derek is back from Kelowna with great new skiing skills and good stories of learning how to live with four room-mates in their condo.  He's expressed appreciation for "a cat to pet" "nice sharp knives to chop veggies" and a "frying pan that your eggs don't stick in".  The small practicalities of life, newly appreciated.  HE's now looking for work, hopefully to be found soon.

  

Michael started a job in lawn care this week, he's excited about doing outside work and not having to tap his creative brain for a while.  His 3rd year architecture year has been good and he's looking forward to fourth year and degree next year.  

Lindsey is away on a 10day Choir Tour with Westgate, she's discovered Akron, PA, New York City, Washington, Elkhart IN, Chicago and whole lot of bus time.  We're looking forward to her arrival home on Monday night.

Jonathan is into practices for Flag football and looking forward to riding his bike to school next week since the weather is supposed to turn to spring again.

Doug is pulling long hours teaching (as usual) and coaching Badminton (lots of after school running around to practices) 

So there's a picture of our past month.  We're looking forward to outside time and I'm experiencing what "chemo-hair re-growth" looks and feels like.  It's fuzzy and irregular and "aack" kind of white...apparently that might not last...

#6 on the way, but not today...sigh

Well, in the past few weeks dealing with the #5 chemo effects have had me anchored to the couch, my favourite chair, my bed ,and had me working verrry slowly in my loft.  I've been careful about deciding where my energy goes, and evaluating how much my immune system might be challenged in large crowds   So, I missed some Easter Events, said no-can-do to some concerts and even had a nap in Sunday morning church for the first time in my life!( I don't think I snored...maybe it would have passed for beat boxing in the hymn?)

I haven't been able to decide if the gloomy, cooler weather has made it easier to be fatigued or if it's stopped me from being more active (which might give me more energy).  I've decided to try the other approach through the next treatment...time to get on the bike and roll, I can always nap on a park bench if I need to...hmmm I think I'll outfit a panier with picnic blanket and a pillow...that should do it :)

So, according to schedule, tomorrow, April 18th should have been treatment #6 day, but, once again, my body has not managed to bounce back and make enough "neutrophils" fast enough so, the blood counts were too low and I'm waiting again. Dr says it's not uncommon for the body to take longer to come back by this stage of treatment so, apparently I'm still doing great, the low numbers are good indicators that chemo is actually doing what it's supposed to (that's good) and we'll try again for Friday, April 20th...okay,two more days to enjoy the taste of food before the tastebuds go south again. I'm good to go, I know once the first 10 days are tolerated, it'll be home stretch and bye bye chemo toxins, out of the body...looking forward to that! I probably don't even realize how many "discomforts" I just put up with every day...I hope things can go back to normal and not too much damage has been done to the good...Let's go Friday.

On a completely different note, the fabrics in the quilt below are the same line that I'm using for the Westgate Bursary Banquet Benefit quilt.  Same fabrics, quite a different (and Val Pankratz original) pattern.  The blanket below is from http://thedomina.blogspot.ca/2011/03/verna-baby-quilt.html .  If you're interested in an evening of music, a great meal, good company and opportunities to win great prizes and support the Bursary Fund for Westgate, let me know!  I'd be happy to set up a table for you.  Bring some friends.  I'll post the quilt when I'm finished quilting it!  ( hopefully by Friday, since I now have more time to feel better and get some work done).

Chemo #5, take three

Five days of waiting for the body to rejeuvenate...and really having no real power to influence how quickly that happens. 
Bit of a wake up call in a few ways:
- I realized how I'd been banking on counting days and had started planning around the days I knew I'd be past the first 7 day onslaught of feeling crappy.
- I discovered that I get a little ticked when things don't go according to plan...(sorry fam-jam for taking that out on you...)
- took the opportunity to be honest about how disappointed I was and realize that dogged determination and overall good nature is really fragile and easily shaken.  Made me even more thankful the general feeling of optimism and hope that has carried me so far.
- Reached deep and said a prayer for folks in cancer treatment who find it difficult to find energy every day and feel crappy all through treatment.  Have deep respect for their walk.
- Went to the Winnipeg Singers concert, sat with (almost all my kids, miss you Derek) and listened to Doug and choir lift voices in a true acoustical celebration of sound...ooooow...goose bumps and shivers it was so beautiful...just what I needed to find the patience to wait the next few days...
- turned up the heat in the loft and enjoyed myself :)

Tomorrow is blood tests, Green light (hopefully), meeting with Radiation Oncologist to find out what happens after Chemo #6, and then, (hopefully) Chemo #5 at 10:00 am.  Sounds like it should have a "Mambo #5" kind of rythym to it! Might wait till after it's all done before I bust a move.

Treatment #5 postponed...again...sigh

Well, I went in for treatment again today, Friday, and once again, Blood counts were still too low so Dr decided to wait till Tuesday for my next chemo treatment. Acceptable levels of "Neutrophils"  for treatment (or better known as the immune system count) are 1.0 and I was .9... normal levels for most of you are between 1.5 and 8.00.  I imagine it's all for the best and will do my best to rest and let the body bounce back from that last treatment. Still no fever and I feel fine otherwise, kind of tired, so had a nap today...x2 which is why I'm up at this hour...sigh.  Oh well, at least the strawberries I'm snacking on still taste like strawberries... and the ribs for supper (Thanks Sheila and Phil!) were the absolute best ever!

The school bound family folks are all excited about being off for Spring Break... I bet that means there will be coffee brewed and maybe even breakfast made for me in the morning...

I think I'll turn the heat on in the loft space and meander up there with my morning coffee and finish the benefit quilt for the Westgate Bursary fundraising banuqet on May 1...anyone want a ticket to the banquet?  let me know.  Want a preview of the quilt?  Here's a hint on the picture below..."same, same, but different, very different"...

Chemo #5 update

Well, all this Winnipeg spring weather is great for the soul... but probably had me washing too many windows and overseeing too much cleaning in the front porch... Which led my blood counts to be low on Tuesday when I went in....and... which led to the red flag of "STOP" to my treatment today, Wednesday.

However, not to be too concerned, we've rescheduled for this Friday, March 23rd, and Dr. is confident that a couple of days of taking it easy... aka no more washing windows... and my blood counts will be back up to snuff and able to tolerate the next treatment.

Ironically, I've felt really good for the last week and have enjoyed my social interactions greatly...Thanks to all you friends who continue to invite "chemo-food-wild-card" out for dinner and lunch and put up with my "filterless" humour.  I get life and energy from all of you.

I've felt the absence of Son#2 this month, Derek is having a blast shoveling snow and skiing in Big White, near Kelowna, BC.  Michael's stepped into deliver and pick-up for appointments which means his schedule in Architecture has lightened up as well.  We've closed down Basketball seasons for Lindsey and Jonathan, and we're so happy to see the growth that each of them made in their skills...  Doug is into back to back rehearsals for Winnipeg Singers and Canzona which means I get to attend two great concerts in the next two weeks, always a treat, although I find I have to pack tissues because I'm a little weepy these days, and great music just gets me going....

Looking ahead, (and we're always careful to say "If things go according to plan") I have an appointment with Radiation Oncologist, on Tuesday, March 27.  I imagine this will be a preliminary discussion about what Radiation  sessions will look like and when they will start.  I won't begin to guess at a schedule at this point, good information suggests that I will be looking at at least a four to six weeks of "once a day, five days a week", treatment.  

My spirits are good at this stage of the game.  I'm thankful for my kids and hubby and they're good-natured fetch and carry attitudes.  I'm also thankful for my newly re-upholstered old comfy chair, I spend a fair bit of time there!  I try to walk around the block once a day and am still appalled at how long it takes and how winded I am at a little, little hill... but the days I walk around the park and I feel good, I'm glad that I make the effort on the tough days.  My biggest dilemma is deciding what to wear on my head...not quite ready to go "in flagrante" with the bald head in public...because after this last chemo the eye lashes and eyebrows are on the run...  look only if you're brave, there's no "Look good Feel better" make-up touches here!

Yay, today food tastes more like it's supposed to!

So, day four of Chemo #4, in like a lion just like the snowy March weather...joints ache, feet hurt, neck is sore, legs are jumpy and restless and the ankles ache...how bizzare...fingernails are sensitive and the mouth recognizes nothing familiar... Looks like a nectarine, smells like a nectarine...tastes like...a dental tool...hmmm Looks like an orange, smells like a yummy Westgate fruit drive orange...tastes like...a dental tool ... But alas, success for breakfast from dear hubby....Yup, crepes, cottage cheese a drizzle of maple syrup and a sprinkle of brown sugar!  Nectar of the Gods, it tastes like it's supposed to...yummm.

Had a brief moment of "ah-ha!" on Friday night when someone at the great House of Doc House concert asked how many treatments I had left and I responded "2"...wow, that was a cool feeling...of course at that point I wasn't feeling as icky as I am now, but, only two more repetitions of this, I can handle that...maybe not terribly gracefully but it's only two more right?

When I'm lost in the day to day motions of dealing with all the bizzare body things, time seems to pass by so quickly, at the end of the day I feel like I've accomplished very little and have been a "couch commander" telling whichever kids are around on what to do to keep the household running and even marginally cleaned up... thinking that maybe I need a break from being the couch commander...hmm now how can that happen?

In the meantime, pull out a hand quilting project, try not to poke my sore fingertips and take another couple of Aleve to settle down the aching legs... and watch come curling with my dear hubby :)

Canser treatments update, Chemo #4

Today I got the green light to head into Chemo #4 tomorrow. This is the halfway treatment. Seems bizarre that it's ten weeks since my first treatment. You get into this little coping bubble and time just marches along! Lindsey and Jonathan are playing final playoff eliminations in their basketball seasons and the days are still bright at 6:00pm. .. yay ... Spring is just around the corner and Winter was sweet!


I've recovered from the cold that I battled through this last treatment, it required some significant decision-making to just stay home and rest (very hard for me as most of you know).
- I had a lovely visit from my cousin Ivie and Mike Parker from Calgary,
- was gifted with copious gifts of breads, soups, chilis, cookies and fruits and muffins and a fabulous massage! from K-groups, family and friends and neighbours, as always from your generous spirits to the stomachs of the Pankratz's and the folks that come to visit. So Thankful we are.
- I managed to attend a lot of basketball games for the kids
- Kissed Derek good-bye as he headed out to Kelowna/Big White for a month of skiing and working(clearing snow) with his friend Vaughn.
- Read 15 books, some enlightening and some just "park your mind at the door" reads since that was all I could retain...thank goodness for the Public Library!
- Started a new quilt commission for Mennonite Church Manitoba
- made a great little book bag with Lindsey! go Pre-Calculus!
- enjoyed great "tea-times/coffee-times" with friends who popped in others who delivered meals-on-wheels. Thanks to all of you! and Thanks for the parking money this month too!
- was glad Doug had fewer rehearsals this month since that meant at least he could do the basketball runs with some help from Michael and Derek.
- hope to see Michael's project in the "GOSA" student gallery at the UofM, chosen to represent the 3rd year Architecture program. (till March 2nd)
- Looking forward ( I hope) to the Westgate house concert featuring choirs, band and House of at Pantages theatre
- received a lovely quilt from the Victoria Quilts project which supplies quilts to cancer patients, a lovely and warm gift to receive! My daughter has declared it her new favourite.

So, I'm thankful that by Day 10 of the 21 day treatment cycle, I've felt better and have energy to enjoy lots of life... I know others are not always so fortunate with their treatments. #4 Chemo marks a change in the kind of chemo I receive, I'm now going to something called "Docetaxel". The side effects have less nausea but more body/joint fatigue and aches... and other bizarre effects on fingernails etc...we'll see how I weather this one. Doug is coming to treatment with me tomorrow and I'm happy he can do that during Report card week.
So Thank you for coming on this journey, I'll invite you again to respond via email, phone call or even a visit. You're always welcome. I'll also correct the spelling error in my blog address and include it here, hopefully this time the link will work if you just paste in in your browser window.
BLOG site: http://www.sparetimeobsession.blogspot.com/

Unfortunately the calendar continues to be a bust unless you have a google account...so, untill I find a better way to post, here are the next treatment dates for me:
Feb 29th Chemo #4
March 21 Chemo #5
March 23-April 2nd = Spring Break for Doug and the kids
April 6-9 is Easter Weekend
April 11th Chemo #6 YAYYYY
then 4-6 weeks of detox and recovery before I start 5 weeks of Radiation

So Thanks again for all your prayers, support in many ways, bad jokes (Leo loved it, Karin, always a giggle) and care for all of us (Doug's seen a few Winnipeg Jets' games this season!)
Be well all of you.
Val Pankratz for the crew.
This link seems to work if you have gmail account... haven't quite figured out how to bypass..
Calendar site to paste in your web browser: https://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=personaltouchbyval%40gmail.com&ctz=America/Winnipeg

yummm, a new nap quilt

So what does a quilter do when she is gifted with a quilt?  She takes a deep breath, drops a tear, pulls the quilt from the box, smoothes the fabric and admires the pattern and colours.  She holds the quilt to her heart and says a prayer of thanks for the creators and for the giver.  Thank you Victoria Quilts and quilters in Steinbach who crafted my gift and thank you Elvira for thinking of me in this very special way.  This quilt will go up to my loft and reside on my nap couch in my own quilt space. I know "it's more blessed to give than to receive" but today this gift was a blessing for me to receive.

How to win the "take care of yourself" challenge?

Treatment #3 has certainly presented challenges to well-being.  I was fighting a cold going in and after treatment it certainly seemed to take over. My usual robust immune system has not been able to  triumph.  Yesterday I thought I was finally over the tipping point and almost ready to say "as healthy as I can be right now" and this morning, stuffy nose and foggy eyes, Lindsey's sick too, how do you stay away from that when you live in the same house and you have to comfort your kid when she feels crappy...  This whole journey of decision making, how much to do before it's too much?  How important is it to "get up and go" with mental and physical energy and when do you rest, rest, rest?  I fear that I'm losing in the "take care of myself" task...maybe it would be easier if I'd move out?  Anyone have a house to sit? hmm...nope that won't work, Doug's out of town Wednesday to Friday this week, I'm still a Mom and have a family to take care of  too :)  Good thing, I'd be bored all by myself...right?
Had a great visit with my cousin and her husband, from Calgary.  The friendship formed when we lived in Calgary has stood the test of time for the whole family, so fun to interact with all of us.
Time to warm up the tea, maybe even time to take a nap before 10 am... what a life...

Val's canser journey

Welcome friends et al: it's been a long time.

(spelling canser wrong is a good way to diminish its power... think? let's try toomer...kemo...raidiashun.. how's that working so far?)

The past few months have been full of adjustments, emotions, new experiences and some grieving. Someone asked me why I wasn't blogging and sharing my walk with others...at the time I was just not ready. As I head into Chemo treatment #3, I think I might be ready...

There are times in our lives where Doug and I have experienced the support of community, and times where I hope we have been able to reciprocate. This cancer diagnosis for me has once again overwhelmed us with generosity and support of those around us. Once again we are reminded of the strength offered in faith and love. One of my kid's teachers went through cancer treatments a number of years ago and during conversation last week, said he almost missed being in the midst of that experience because they had lived every day entirely immersed in their faith and entirely committed to believing in conquering his disease. I don't use that language in my head or verbally, but I could relate to the preoccupation of the journey. I would have to say that the place of God in this journey has been raised numerous times...I'm not sure if I will discover "the" answer but I have already found comfort in the questions.

So, for now, I will be using this site for my updates, uploading a new calendar for every treatment schedule. I hope that this will be a simple way for those of you who wish to keep up on where things are at. As always, I treasure your responses and comments either here on this site of by email to vpank@mts.net. Your walking this journey with me(us) is the Shepherd's staff that I lean on.

So here I will try to keep a running calendar posted so you can see what's up for us in the family.

https://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=personaltouchbyval%40gmail.com&ctz=America/Winnipeg